So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
