Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
