Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i love accidental penises.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
