Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
