Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
