Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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