so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
