my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
