And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
This baby is an asshole
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
