And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
