Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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