I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
