im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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