If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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