I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
