Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
