wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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