I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
