You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
