So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
