Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
