I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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