how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
