Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
