in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
