is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
