Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
