I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
