Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize