i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
