it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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