and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
