did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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