All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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