Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
