i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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