the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
