she takes plan B like it's going out of style
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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