Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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