She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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