found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
