I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
