Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
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