Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize