her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
