i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
