Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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