It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize