My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
