awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
