In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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