I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
