The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
