Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
