Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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