Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize