She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
