shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
