ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
