Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
