Ambien. No doubt about it.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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