I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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