Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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