I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
