dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
